


Stars

by NewTimelineNewMe



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Study?, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, I’m sorry Logan, Kinda, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Not Beta Read, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, ventfic, you were just there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22645510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewTimelineNewMe/pseuds/NewTimelineNewMe
Summary: If there was one thing that Logan liked about the stars, it was that they always stayed the same.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Stars

Logan stood at the top of a building, his head pounding.

The wind howled and he shuddered; the fear of falling increasing tenfold. He stepped back from the edge, letting the dizzy view drift from sight.

His sight shifted from the view below to the view up, admiring the stars that hung in the night. He had always liked astronomy, allowing himself this one selfish thing. Even now, the light pollution has ruined it. There were hardly any stars visible. 

Slowly, Logan traced the familiar constellations, drawing Ursa Major and Minor into the sky. He enjoyed that story for the Bears would never be alone, always having each other. Stars took up Logan’s selfish spot, so he would never have anyone else. They wouldn’t ever have to deal with a robot. He traced Orion and his Wolves, marveling at the bravery one must have to go hunting. To face the dark woods with naught but a few dogs. It was the type of bravery Logan could never posses.

The stars always stayed the same, that was another thing he liked about them. Sure, the rotation of the Earth and all that jazz changed the view, but the same constellations were always there. Even with the light pollution, he knew the stars existed up there. 

But even so, things were changing in the Universe. Stars died and exploded into black holes or became black dwarfs that had no energy left. Moved on from their main sequence stage of life and entered the next step based on their mass, albeit very slowly. 

Logan felt as though he had left his very own main sequence, and was burning out. No one here even knew him. If they did, all he was to them was the ‘smart’ one. Or the ‘robot’, or any other nickname. No one even knew him name, did they?

So ultimately, it wouldn’t matter when he died. It wouldn’t matter when the last of his energy puttered out and his collided, exploding into a million clumps of gases and debris.

Science says itself that all life is meaningless, as in the big picture, the world will explode or the sun will expand, pushing humanity to the brink of extinction. Surely, one person that no one cared about or cared about no one committing suicide wouldn’t matter that much, right?

Logan reached to his eyes instinctively, distantly wondering when the tears had come. 

He sat down on the roof, scooting forward to let his legs dangle off. 

He wasn’t a fool. He knew he had depression, and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. He knew they weren’t healthy, and that if he just reached out, it would all get better.

But that’s such a long road, and the edge was just right there. An infinitesimal amount of space between him and certain death. 

Funny, he thinks. That used to scare him so much. Now, he couldn’t muster up the feelings to care very much. Honestly, just a tip forward, and it could all be over. It would be so easy. 

Logan scrambled back from the edge, his fingers scraping at the gravel as he heaved himself backwards. Coward. 

He walked down the steps, listening to the echo of the dark hallway cover up his thoughts.

He was probably disassociating, but that knowledge didn’t really help him snap back into the real world. The steady pace of his legs the didn’t feel as though they belonged to him brought his to the lowest level, out the door and to his car. They brought him inside the car, and drove him home. They walked him inside and put him into sleep ware, than walked him to bed.

He was crying again.

So maybe the stars were getting covered by pollution. But there were efforts to clean it up being put into place. Maybe none of the kids knew him name. He didn’t know theirs, and it was because he had never even tried to reach out. None of the rumors about him being a robot were true, and he may have even created them in his head. 

Today had not been a good day. But today, he chose to believe the Maybe’s the told him he wasn’t a freak. That people did like him. That his life was worth something. That help was easier to get than he made it out to be. 

Tomorrow may be a whole new story, but at least the stars would stay that same.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry you had to read this mess of a vent fic but my depressions been really bad lately and hnggggg coping mechanism


End file.
